My Sugar Daddy Experience

So lately I have been looking for a new place to live, since my lease is up at the end of June and my roommates and I have decided not to re-up our lease. Ever since I moved out of my mom's house when I was 20, I have dreamed about living in a little studio or one bedroom apartment all on my own. So this is what I have been looking for in my current housing search. Unfortunately for me, I live in one of the most expensive areas of California, so a single small studio in my college town costs upward of $800. Seriously?! I'm a college student; I work a lot and have a pretty good job all things considered, and I still cannot afford that kind of living unless I take out mass quantities of loans, and I refuse to end up in debt from student loans simply to pay my rent in a dinky little studio apartment. I have more pride than that.

So one night I was bored at work (hopefully my bosses won't read this!) and I got on the computer and started checking out Sugar Daddy websites. For those of you who may not know, a Sugar Daddy is a man who is too rich for his own good, and wants to find a "sugar baby" that he can spend his money on and spoil. The catch is that the expectation is that he will get a beautiful, sexy, young girlfriend who is willing to give him sex and be his arm candy in exchange for said monetary benefits. As nice as it sounds to have someone else pay my rent for me, my moral compass steers me clear from a situation in which I'm basically being paid for sex... my prior knowledge would be tempted to call that "prostitution"...

So anyways, I decide to register for a couple of these sites, throw on some professional photos courtesy of my best friend/photographer which make me look far more stunning than I may actually be. What the heck; it's free! So I create these profiles, send them in to get approved, and sit back to see what kind of catches are gonna find me attractive. And, much to my excitement, I start getting emails to my personal email address alerting me about messages from guys in my area and in surrounding areas with titles in the subject lines telling me I'm perfect and asking where I've been. So I'm like, "Sweet, there are actually rich men interested in me!"... not that I actually have any plan of getting involved with any of them, I just want to see who they are. So I navigate to the Sugar Daddy website and click on the first email... and get redirected to a screen that says I need to upgrade my membership in order to read my mail.

What. The. Hell.

The whole reason I'm on a damn Sugar Daddy website is because I have no money and need someone to pay my bills! If I could afford to pay for a monthly membership to this site, I wouldn't need a Sugar Daddy in the first place! So needless to say, I rebelled against the system and did not pay to upgrade my membership. But I kept getting emails from guys wanting to meet me and such, which were obviously going unanswered, so they must have thought I was some kind of stuck-up bitch who thought she was too good to talk to them. When in fact I'm just too poor to talk to them.

Guess I should start looking at Craigslist for people who are looking for someone to split half of a 10x10 room with them, since that's all I'll be able to afford...

Tribute to Mother Nature

So, seeing as how this is my very first post of my very first blog in my adult life (I had one in junior high, but that was so my two best friends and I had a communal place to gossip about boys), I really should do an introduction about myself, but guess what? I'm not going to. This is my blog; I'm gonna format it however the hell I want and there's nothing you little readers can do about it except hang on for the ride. Don't you worry, I'll give you the rundown on myself soon. But I figured that I should write this very first post along the lines of the story that inspired me to create a blog in the first place. Yes, it had everything to do with my endless supply of witty comments and anecdotes, and when someone suggested I start a blog to write down my clever little whatevers, I said hey, why not? I only work four jobs and go to school! I've got PLENTY of time to write mindless thoughts and pointless stories out for what I am sure will end up being a minimal number of readers. But neverless, I do love to write, and it sounded like a fun idea at the time, so I'm going for it.

Anyways, today's story all begins this afternoon, as I was sitting in Business Law class. No wait, let's back up about a week ago and start there. So I have an iPhone. And I'm always looking for fun little apps for it on which I can waste time and be completely unproductive. So while I was browsing for a calendar app (because the iPhone standard calendar SUCKS) I found this little thing called iPeriod. I clicked on it to see what it was, and it is a calendar that is supposed to track your period and let you know how many days it will be before you start! (sorry if this is grossing any of you boys out) So I thought, sweet! I'm gonna try it! So I download the app and put in the dates of my last few periods, and it pops up and says "Your next period will be in 5 days". So I'm thinking, "Sweet, we'll see just how accurate this thing is." So five days come and go; no period. So I chek this app to see what it has to say for itself:
         "Your period is 1 day late!"
And I'm thinking, "Gee, period calendar, that's not very encouraging..."
So anyways, that brings us up to this afternoon. I'm sitting in Business Law class, absently pretending to pay attention. It's a BEAUTIFUL day on the central coast of California, so I'm wearing little white shorts and a tank top, thoroughly enjoying the warm weather. So I get up to leave class after the lecture is over, and I feel it: Ladies, I know you ALL know the feeing I'm talking about. The feeling you get down there when suddenly you are keenly aware that there is going to be a big mess soon if you don't take action. So I try to play it cool as I power walk my little white shorts to the bathroom, and sure enough, I can finally get my iPeriod calendar to stop telling me how late my period is ("Your period is 3 days late!"). And I'm sitting there thinking, "How rude is Mother Nature to wait until the day I'm wearing white shorts to grace me with the crimson tide?" But then I realize that Mother Nature is probably sitting there, smugly staring at me, laughing and saying, "Stop being a whiny little bitch. This is me letting you know that you managed to make it another month without getting pregnant. YOU'RE WELCOME."

I hate it when Mother Nature wins. Smug bitch.